To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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