The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
