we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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