My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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