My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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