Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
