i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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