Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
