I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
