WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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