I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
