Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
