And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
