I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
