Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
