He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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