can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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