I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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