where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
