Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You are a booty call, not a friend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
