his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
