you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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