Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
