Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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