You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize