before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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