What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
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I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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