The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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