worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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