That's when you crack a 10am beer
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
