I didn't shave. On purpose
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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