so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
