1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My feet surprised me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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