haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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