it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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