What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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