Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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