He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
