Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
