the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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