I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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