he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
