I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
