Grow some girl-balls and come out already
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
