I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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