no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
