Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
