you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize