What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
