I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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