She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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