Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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