WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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