Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
