he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize