Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
