i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
