trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
