I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
