Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Randomize
