I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
