Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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