i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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