3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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