Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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