Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
