So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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