Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
