We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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