i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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