remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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