Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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