I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
