i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
