So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's the barista slut.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
