I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
