Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My liver just had a heart attack.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The adults are the big ones right?
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