He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
