Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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