2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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