One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
