The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
