you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
