Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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