On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
