I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
third nipple confirmed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
