she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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