He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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