I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
