3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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