i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
