Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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