So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
