Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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